A Hole In My Soul

I can't seem to shake the feeling of being down. Why you ask. Good question. I wish I had the answer to it. I wish I had all the answers. But, I don't, God damn it. I have just a blury vision of the future that can go either way and it scares me to death. Yeah, I know, some would say the uncertenty is the thing that makes life worth living, but is it so simple when the two possible outcomes of your story are so opposite?

If the first one comes out, I will have everything I ever dreamed of! I will have a woman that loves me, that inspires me, that makes me think I can touch the sky, a woman so wonderful that everything looks pitty in comparison...

If the second outcom comes to life, I will be left with nothing. The things I'd still have would have no value, because she won't be there. I'd have no one to share anything with. I took a look at a girl I use to like before, and felt nothing. It all has changed because of her. When did I become so hopelessly lost? 

I am not looking for advice. Nobody follows their own advice anyway. Then, why give it at all? 

Stories Never Change

It is perhaps the one true thing in life that will never change. Stories. They have existed since people do, and all the time, they repeat them selfs, over and over again. The poor boy never gets rich, the good guy never gets the girls, the bad guys always die! It's a set of rules that keeps the Earth spining. Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule, but they exist only to prove the point! And, don't expect them to happen to you. Cause they never do!

When Never Died

I use to be one of those people that use the phrase - I'll never... I think that a while ago, that phrase has died for me. Yeah, it's a cliché to say - Never say never; but you see, clichés didn't become clichés if they didn't reoccur so much! It's like that Renault commercial that I like - remember when you said you'd never fall in love again? Well, I remember it quite well! It's like it was yesterday. Furthermore, I swore to my self that I'll never go for a woman that I can't keep for my self, forever. And what happened? I did just that!!

You see, it's better to never make promises, that way you'll never have to break them. Even if they were made to your own self!

So, "never" died for me you see. I just hope that "today" lasts a little bit longer...

The Kid

– That kid must have an amazing sex life – they would say. And they were right. You should hear the stories he was telling everyone. He was talking about things people haven’t even seen on TV, sometimes things of which most of us haven’t even heard of!! People were talking, but, I always knew he was a nut-job. I knew I was looking at a lonely soul, a child trapped in a grown-man’s body with an imagination so vivid, that even Stephen King could envy him.

One night, we sneaked into his back yard and took a peak at the window that was illuminated. We saw him, sitting in his chair in front of the TV, watching Star Trek or SG-1 and masturbating. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My “companions” decided it was best to make fun of the poor guy, so they started banging on the window, making strange noises and taking pictures with their phone-cameras.

I went away. I couldn’t stand what was happening, but on the other hand, I never got the wish to stop them either. I have no idea what happened to the kid or what they did to him, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t care anymore. They were pigs, and he lied to me. So, I just left and never came back...