A Hole In My Soul

I can't seem to shake the feeling of being down. Why you ask. Good question. I wish I had the answer to it. I wish I had all the answers. But, I don't, God damn it. I have just a blury vision of the future that can go either way and it scares me to death. Yeah, I know, some would say the uncertenty is the thing that makes life worth living, but is it so simple when the two possible outcomes of your story are so opposite?

If the first one comes out, I will have everything I ever dreamed of! I will have a woman that loves me, that inspires me, that makes me think I can touch the sky, a woman so wonderful that everything looks pitty in comparison...

If the second outcom comes to life, I will be left with nothing. The things I'd still have would have no value, because she won't be there. I'd have no one to share anything with. I took a look at a girl I use to like before, and felt nothing. It all has changed because of her. When did I become so hopelessly lost? 

I am not looking for advice. Nobody follows their own advice anyway. Then, why give it at all?